Being "myself ". . .

RA gave me some very good advice awhile back . . . just be myself.


Here I was, getting all metaphysical and junk, trying to "read the signs" and figure out my "next step" and she gave me a much needed little tap on the shoulder.  Umm, HELLO!  I mean after all, here I was going on and on about who knows what and what really mattered was that, whatever was approaching (if anything), was doing so because I am who I am . . .


I especially liked the little reminder that frequently, we are not even aware of the help we provide for others . . . just by being ourselves.  I was reminded of this, first by RA and then by a lovely card I got in the mail the other day.  Not too long ago, I met two amazing people who are working hard to do some amazing good in the world.  Just the other day, I found out that their efforts are starting to achieve results.  I was absolutely thrilled to hear of their good fortune because it means that some wonderful things are going to happen for some very deserving people.


Now, recently when I had a big celebration in my life -- one of those where people ask you what they can get you as a gift to mark the occasion.  I am not really very good at answering that unless I absolutely need something and so, at first I was stumped.  There was nothing I needed except the company of the people invited to the celebration.  But, then l I had a moment of enlightenment.  This cause had become very dear to my heart and it was just in the beginning stages.  What better way to celebrate this event in my life than to have those who asked what gift to get me to take that money and donate it to this new organization!?  (Without going into too much detail, there was a strong link between what I was celebrating and what this organizations goal is -- so it made sense!)


I have no idea how much money was in the envelop I gifted to these wonderful people that night.  But, my heart swelled when I saw their faces as I took a moment and thanked all who had contributed to the contents and handed it over to them.  That alone would have been thanks enough as far as I was concerned.  But it was not to end there . . . yesterday I received the most beautiful Thank You card in the mail.  What I saw as a simple gesture -- almost a "logical" solution to a dilemma -- meant the world to them.  Apparently, my decision affected them greatly and they expressed that in their card.


All because I was being myself . . .

Hmm . . . guess I better pay attention!

I went to a get together on Friday and a new friend of mine -- who happens to be a disabled Veteran -- told me how much he appreciated knowing me and how much he respected me.  He described me as a strong and determined person who inspired him.  I was very humbled by the whole experience . . . and, frankly, a little embarrassed.  Here was a man who had served my country and made significant sacrifices -- someone I respect and honor -- and he was inspired by me!  Honestly, if it had ended there, I may have chalked it up to just one of those things and eventually put the experience to the back of my mind.  I would have been honored, but that is where it would have ended -- mainly because I frequently do not even realize or recognize how/why others see me as an example.  In fact, I said as much to this person that night, stating that 'I was just being me' (which he basically told me was the point!).  But, the incidents that followed the next day have made me realize that I am being called to do something . . . I may not yet know what, exactly, but I am beginning to know where to look.

So, what happened?  The next day, I went to the County Fair and two things happened that strongly affected me.  The first was a Tarot reading.  It was just one of those 'quickies' that you can get at these events -- but the reader was excellent and hit on some very significant realities.   One of the things that she brought up in the reading was that I was an example and and a 'light' to those around me -- someone that provided inspiration that others found strength from.  I was shocked at how similar her language was to the words chosen by my friend the evening before . . . it was as if I was being tapped on the shoulder and being told to pay attention.

Following this reading, we wandered over to the area where a small Pow Wow was taking place.  We were hoping to find a place to sit in the shade where we could watch, listen, and enjoy the singing and dancing.  Unfortunately, there were no seats out of the sun, but immediately upon our arrival, the master of ceremonies (for want of a better term) called all Veterans into the dance area so that they could be honored for their service and sacrifice.  It took quite a lot of coaxing to get any veteran to approach and be honored -- but once one did, several more followed.  As more Veterans entered the circle, the energy being raised by the singers and dancers in honor of these amazing individuals was indescribable.  The pressure in my chest was staggering . . . my eyes were filled with tears I was unable to shed . . . my breath was labored . . . my heart raced . . . and all I could do was stand their and watch this remarkable scene.  Once again, I felt as if the universe was telling me to pay attention!

I may not know exactly how to move forward with this.  I believe that teaching by example and working with Veterans are two important elements to what will develop.  I am confident that, in time, I will be given a solid direction -- one that will nurture others as well as myself . . . one that will prove fulfilling and marvelous!  May I stay open and receptive to the signs and signals that will come my way!

Friendship

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."

Bernard Meltzer

Well, I think I prefer the term 'eccentric' -- but, that is probably just semantics . . . 

I have been very fortunate and have several very close friends in my life.  All of them accept me and embrace the person that I am -- warts and all.  My memories are filled with wonderful experiences and warm feelings.  Nothing can beat a true connection with another person - someone who you can be yourself around without any fear that they will judge or reject you.

My only wish is that all of these wonderful people in my life were located in places that would allow us to, once again, meet face-to-face.  I miss the late night talks over wine and nibbles or coffee shop chats in the middle of the week just to catch up.  As much as we all keep in touch with each other, sharing our lives via email and the occasional phone conversation -- it is not quite the same as touching base throughout the week.

Fortunately, I have the joy that can be found by participating in the blogging community.  Still, I long to find a person or two in my new location that will enjoy my unconventional views and interests -- however cracked they may be -- and discuss them over a cup of java or a glass of merlot.  I miss the physical dimension of my relationships -- being able to touch or hug a good friend when they (or I) need it . . . 

So, I will keep the door open and be patient!  Meanwhile, I will continue to nurture all my relationships -- those friends who no longer live nearby as well as those I have never met face-to-face.  Thank you all for all the wonderful experiences you have given me.  Blessings to you all!

Stayin' Alive!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

When I read this statement, I was brought up short.  Not because I don't do things that make me "come alive" -- I do.  In fact, I do these types of things quite often.  But, the reason I was taken aback a bit was because I also do things that -- well -- just don't!  In fact, sometimes I do things that feel like they are sucking the life out of me.  I imagine that many of us do -- frankly, it is likely that we all HAVE to do some things that do not nurture us.  I, personally, can't think if a single person that I know now or have ever known who are able to completely remove all draining influences.  

The key is to counter those things that drain with things that energize.  Again -- I am not always successful in maintaining this balancing act.  Now is a good example.  My recently revisited project is one of those life suckers.  Anxiety levels are high.  Frustration abounds.  Scheduled daily tasks are . . . challenging.  Despite all this, I continue to plug away -- to attempt to make continued progress, however slow.  So, I must ask the question . . . 

At what point does the draining activity become something that must be let go?  At what point do the difficulties and issues brought about by this project warrant setting it aside for good?  Many times in this process I have wondered if all of the obstacles I have encountered in finishing these revisions are a sign that I am not meant to finish.  This is usually followed by the knowledge that, frequently our most satisfying accomplishments are achieved by overcoming adversity.

I wonder which this will be -- something that was not meant to be or something that I look back on and smile because I was the little engine that could and kept on chugging no matter how steep the hill/mountain got!

How do you decide when it is time to move on?  How many life suckers have you managed to complete or get rid of in some other way?  What are some of the energizing things you do to balance your life?

Expectations

Sometimes I do things just because I am expected to, even if it isn't the best thing to do in the long run. Do I alway realize it?  No.  When/If I do realize it, do a always change my actions?  Unfortunately, the answer to that question is also "No" -- but, I do try to make adjustments as much as possible.

Sometimes, it just makes life easier if I give others what they want or expect -- for me, that is, not necessarily others.  I struggle with anxiety issues (have for years) and sometimes I find that what is best for my stress levels is not exactly the best way forward for others.  I recently realized (with the help of a good friend) that I was allowing others to require documentation from me that they did not have any legal right to ask for.  I was buying into the popular belief that 1) I was required to have such documentation and 2) that they had the right to ask for proof of that documentation.  By carrying around such information and making it available, I was supporting the position that it was required.  But, more importantly, I was making it difficult for the next person that happened along.

By providing the documentation when it was requested, I was making my life easier.  I was able to avoid any kind of confrontation and did not have to deal with the stress and anxiety that such exchanges can produce in me.  But, what about the next person who comes along and then has to deal with the expectation that my compliance helped to strengthen?  By making my life easier, I was actually making the lives of others more difficult.  In this particular situation, I am happy to say that I have changed my actions.  I hope that I am able to do that more frequently than not.

Expectations can be difficult to ignore -- even if they are not the right thing to do!

Living in the NOW

I was reading Art from My Heart the other day . . .

(brief pause for a shameless plug -- go check out Marie's creations!  She has a knack for embodying the spiritual in her pieces and makes beautiful custom pieces upon request)

and saw this quote:

"May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Apparently a friend of hers sent it to her with the instructions to pass it on.  Regardless of its ultimate origins, these words express a state of being that is both healthy and empowering.  Some of my best times in life have been when I have truly managed to live those words -- and some of my worst have been when I have completely forgotten to live in the moment, at peace, and 'in love'.  

I find it helps if I take a little time each day to appreciate  . . . anything . . . everything . . . at least one thing.  Most often I do this while walking the dog.  Usually this works best for me because there is always something that I see that triggers my appreciation.  It seems that these particular thoughts of appreciation and contentment are sparked in me through movement rather than stillness.  Meditation in my life is a very different thing.  Sitting quietly, in silence -- just being and breathing -- is more about grounding and overcoming the stresses of the day.  But it is when walking the dog or digging in the garden that I am able to embrace where and who I am and be joyful.

What do you do to live these very important words?  Do you realize it in stillness?  In those brief moments between wakefulness and sleep?  Pounding the living daylights out of a body bag?  Running a marathon?  We are all such diverse creatures -- what moments work for you?

An 'Aha' Moment!

Recently, I wandered over to Divining Women and read a post that gave me some idea of why I have been feeling so on edge lately.  I was wondering why such minor things were causing such internal violent reactions.  So violent that they were seeping out and affecting my reactions to everyday life challenges.  Thank you Not Hannah!  I was beginning to think that I was going insane!
Finally, I made the connection!  I was reacting to all of the horror, rage, and frustration that has become heightened as the oil continues to GUSH into the Gulf.  That, combined with the distress, fear, and deaths of all of those beloved creatures, has been gnawing away at me -- getting worse and worse each day.  I find I have no patience; I am angry; I am snappy and irritable.  
I knew all about the oil spill, of course, but have diligently avoided all of the imagery that is out there.  Hearing about it is bad enough.  If 9/11 taught me anything it was that seeing horrible images over and over again plays havoc with my psyche -- so, whenever possible I refrain from viewing such horrible sights.  I remember the images from the Exxon Valdez incident all those years ago -- I don't need to see beautiful creatures in such distress again -- it was horrible enough the first time and in the years since I have actually gotten more sensitive to these kinds of things, not less.  Just hearing about what is happening tears at my emotions -- I would  become hysterical if I actually saw what was happening!  The few images I have seen were horrific and are seared into my brain as it is.  
I commend all of you who can and do view those horrible sights over and over again.  I just can't do it without risking severe, debilitating depression.  I will be meeting at the water on the New Moon and helping our Mother to heal from this horrible, toxic event.