Spirit Animal(s)

There are a number of different perspectives when it comes to spirit animals (guides, totems, power animals -- whatever you may choose to call them).  Many people that I have met have only one, or at least only one at any given time.   Those who have had more than one spirit animal over time found that, as they grew, their spirit animal changed to accommodate the changes that occurred in their lives.  For many years I was like those who had a single spirit animal.  My spirit animal had made itself known to me before I even began following a pagan path.  It was a part of me -- something that I never really thought twice about -- Wolf was just there to guide me.  

Wolf started off being very archetypal (though I had no clue what that was at the time).  No male/female -- always grey in color.  However, at various times in my life, Wolf has changed.  Instead of being an archetype she is a particular animal.  She is pure white and larger than I would have expected.  The only color on her is her black nose, lips, and black surrounding piercing green eyes.  She appears when I need a "personal" touch -- some one-on-one communication.

But, a few years ago, my relationship with spirit animals shifted.  I no longer only had one.  Over a period of about a year, I was approached by three more.  Suddenly, I had one associated with each of the four directions/elements.  First, a Golden Eagle, next an Otter, and finally a Hare.  While I have not met anyone who has a spirit animal for each direction/element, I have met a few people with more than one spirit animal guiding them at the same time -- but not very many.  Most of the time, when I share this information (which I do less and less) I get a puzzled look.  I know from my contact with others that my relationship with my spirit animals is not "orthodox".  However, it is what has developed over the years and it works for me.  Eventually, I will share more about them -- how I came to know of them and how they have helped or worked with me in the past -- but not just yet.

Do you have one or more spirit animals?  How did you come to be aware of them? 

A Giveaway and An Elusive Ritual

First, I want to call everyone's attention to Mother Moon's First Year of Blogging Anniversary!  She is celebrating with a great giveaway (actually THREE).  Check out her giveaway post for the details (or click on the button to the left).  While you are there, be sure to check out her blog - she has a wonderful knack for writing about just the thing you need to hear (or maybe that is just me -- but check it out and see).

The other thing that I wanted to share is another segment in my "Not Paganism 101" series.  For those who are just joining me, this series is an attempt at identifying a 'next step' option in Pagan practice.  It shares some of the ways that I manage to incorporate my spirituality into my daily practice.  It tries to go beyond the elementary information provided in most books on the various Pagan paths that are out there.  While my experiences may not be the right next step for you, hopefully they will provide a seed that you can take and transplant into your own lives and allow to grow in a way that nurtures your spiritual path.

Okay -- enough of the disclaimer . . . on to the sharing!

This weekend a friend of mine had a birthday and, to celebrate, invited a few people over for the evening.  It was a very small gathering and, though all of us were friends of the Birthday Girl, many of us had never met each other.  Despite this, we all got along wonderfully and had some very interesting and 'deep' discussions.  On top of that, the party took place in a lovely canopied area which was open to the outside.  At one point, the skies opened and we had a wonderful summer rainstorm complete with thunder and lightening.  For me, this entire evening was what I will call an Elusive Ritual.  

Why and Elusive Ritual?  Because there is no one thing that happened that most people would identify as ritualistic.  If you were to speak to anyone that was in attendance that evening, I feel confident that NONE of them would describe the evening as ritualistic in any way -- and most would not even describe it as a spiritual experience.  But to me, the entire evening from start to finish was a spiritual, and even ritualistic, experience.  All of us were there to celebrate the life of a particular individual; all of us were forming connections and really 'being' with each other; despite many of us being complete or mostly strangers, no one left without giving every other person a heartfelt hug (not the 'lean toward each other but touch as little as possible' hug); we spoke of things like religion, charity, and loves; we teased each other; we laughed; we ate; we truly experienced each other with open hearts and non-judgmental hearts.  How is that not a spiritual experience??  The inclusion on the rain, lightening, and thunder did nothing to dampen our spirits -- in fact, we all reveled in the experience -- even when some of us got a little wet.

One thing that I just remembered seems significant, though I am not sure of its meaning yet . . . the party was out in the middle of no where with little nearby for at least a mile.  Despite that, we found a young kitten on the property.  When I say young, I am talking about 7-8 weeks.  She had a great set of lungs on her.  Maybe she was escaping the coyotes, maybe she was just wandering -- regardless, she was rescued and will likely find a wonderful home.

So, for me, that party was a spiritual experience.  Even without drawing a circle, I was in a sacred space.  Even without a formal structure, we celebrated and acknowledged our connections.  For me, this was an example of how ritual can be present in my life even when no one around me is actually aware of it.  Have you ever experienced an Elusive Ritual?  I would love to hear about your mundane sacred experience . . .

'Tuning In'

Sobeit over at In the Mists of Avalon uploaded a post titled Metaphor as Life where she states: As living human beings, we all have the ability to tune in to our inner guidance system and gain perspective in our present circumstances.  She then provides a list of questions we can all use to help us 'tune in' that, based on her post, look like they may originate from The Celtic Spirit by Caitlin Matthews.  So, I thought I would give it a go here . . . especially since I have begun working on my revisions (again) and am finding it very challenging.

First question: How do I describe myself in my present circumstances? What do I feel like? (For example, 'powerless, like a car with a dead battery'; unheard, like someone singing in a hail storm'; 'over-burdened, like a head of state.')  

Impotent!  As I return to this project, I find that I am running into the same difficulties.  I am, once again staring at a blinking curser . . . I see a blank space waiting to be filled.

Next question:  How would I describe my normal sense of spiritual connection? (For example, 'like receiving Morse code in a foreign language'; 'nurturing and strong, like bathing in a hot pool')

Normally, my spiritual connection feels very solid and steady -- like a large, boulder deeply imbedded in the earth.  Usually, it is a very stabilizing and grounding thing in my life.

Third question:  What is the nature of help that my spiritual allies can bring to me now? What do I need? (For example, 'space and time'; 'a beautiful and deserted beach in the sun')

Inspiration; a return of my ability to translate my thoughts and understanding into the written word; help in fulfilling the academic requirements before me.  Images that come to mind are the Hierophant and a lit lightbulb.

Final question:  How do I envisage my return to a place of clear understanding? (Draw upon the images and metaphors that you graphically describe in your earlier responses. Meditate upon the help you need right now. Let your own metaphors give you guidance and support.)

Well now, THAT would be the problem!  I have tried many techniques and none have worked.  Yet, I still keep plugging away . . .  Anyone have any thoughts?

So, what does this all tell me about my present circumstances?  Hmmm . . .  maybe some meditation on the subject is in order . . . 

What do you do when you get writer's block -- specifically "academic" writer's block.  I seem to be able to write, in general . . . except when it comes to my dissertation!

An 'Aha' Moment!

Recently, I wandered over to Divining Women and read a post that gave me some idea of why I have been feeling so on edge lately.  I was wondering why such minor things were causing such internal violent reactions.  So violent that they were seeping out and affecting my reactions to everyday life challenges.  Thank you Not Hannah!  I was beginning to think that I was going insane!
Finally, I made the connection!  I was reacting to all of the horror, rage, and frustration that has become heightened as the oil continues to GUSH into the Gulf.  That, combined with the distress, fear, and deaths of all of those beloved creatures, has been gnawing away at me -- getting worse and worse each day.  I find I have no patience; I am angry; I am snappy and irritable.  
I knew all about the oil spill, of course, but have diligently avoided all of the imagery that is out there.  Hearing about it is bad enough.  If 9/11 taught me anything it was that seeing horrible images over and over again plays havoc with my psyche -- so, whenever possible I refrain from viewing such horrible sights.  I remember the images from the Exxon Valdez incident all those years ago -- I don't need to see beautiful creatures in such distress again -- it was horrible enough the first time and in the years since I have actually gotten more sensitive to these kinds of things, not less.  Just hearing about what is happening tears at my emotions -- I would  become hysterical if I actually saw what was happening!  The few images I have seen were horrific and are seared into my brain as it is.  
I commend all of you who can and do view those horrible sights over and over again.  I just can't do it without risking severe, debilitating depression.  I will be meeting at the water on the New Moon and helping our Mother to heal from this horrible, toxic event.  

Bucking the 'system'

I have read a lot of things of late that bemoan the tendency for pagan writings to be more in the vein of "Paganism 101".  There appears to be a hunger out there for something beyond the basics.  Something that expresses what happens after a person is familiar with their chosen tradition.  This is a difficult thing to write about since Paganism is such a diverse path -- my 'next steps' may not work for you at all.  I have gotten guidance from many people during my journey, many of them suggesting things that simply do not work for me -- but they have almost always provided me with the seed of an idea that I later developed into a process or practice that did work for me.  

So, since it seems that I am currently on a bit of a role with the whole "Doing things differently than the books say" motif, here is yet another one!  May it provide you with a seed that you can nourish on your own path . . . 

How many of you truly visualize?  Do you really see those technicolor pictures complete with detail when you meditate, journey, or take those few quiet moments in an otherwise busy day?

Well, I don't . . . and I never have, even during the period of my life that I exerted a lot of energy toward attempting to develop this skill.  I am talking YEARS, not days, weeks, or even months.  Nothing!  Pretty much the most I got was an echo of a candle flame just after closing my eyes or those squiggles of white and colored light that flash around on your closed eyelids.  There were points in time during that period where, for a short time, I threw up my hands in frustration, vowing to stop trying completely.  Only to return to it again after a brief break.

And why did I keep at it, you may be asking . . . because when I meditated or went on a spiritual journey I did experience all those things that one sees when they visualize, but not in pictures.  I could 'feel' everything usually associated with seeing.  I knew that something was white because I felt the color -- but I never saw it.  I could describe what a being I encountered looked like and what they did, but not because I saw them (like a little movie picture) but because I felt and sensed what they looked like and the actions they took.  I just didn't really see it so, I kept trying.  Then, one day, the light bulb flashed on and I came to a very important realization . . . 

I realized that what all the books describe in sight sense language, I was receiving through other senses.  As soon as I realized this, I stopped trying to see pictures.  Oh sure, when I describe my experiences from meditation or journeying, I chose to use sight language.  Many people seem to feel more comfortable with that approach and it saves me from trying to explain how I can possibly translate what I sense into things like color, happiness, or any of the other things that are usually known because we see them.  I have found that when I try to explain that something felt or tasted like purple all I get is puzzled looks.  Now I just say something like "it was purple" and let people assume.  Of course, they assume that I have visualized -- but in reality I have not.  

Sometimes the impossible challenge of explaining my method of 'seeing' these experiences is frustrating.  Our language is simply not up to the task.  This is something that comes up in Pagan practice frequently (how many times have you been told to 'visualize' your intentions for a ritual?)  Every once in a while, I pick up a book that has a section on visualization and try to translate what they are saying into what actually happens for me.  Sometimes there are connections, but often there are not.  It makes me wonder if there are others out there that have struggled to develop the ability to visualize.  If you are out there . . . what did you do?  Are you still trying . . .  did you give up completely . . . did you come up with your own methods . . . ?

Formal, Casual, or Both?

Earlier, I posted about an online ritual that I participated in . . . and it was good . . . but formalized and structured ritual is not my usual way.  I usually only do the whole nine yards when it comes to ritual if I am sharing the ritual with another (it makes it easier for participants to be 'on the same page') or I am compelled to be formal for some particular reason.  Instead, my practices usually consist of more 'mundane' rituals.

This has been a recurring topic in some of the blogs that I am following.  The idea of everyday activities being viewed as ritual appears to be a common one and, more interestingly, one that is NOT covered in many of those books out there for beginners -- or even intermediates.  At first, when I realized this fact, I was puzzled.  I would have thought that creating ritual in everyday life would be one of the earlier skills that a practitioner of a Pagan tradition would learn.  After all, mundane ritual (at least as I practice it) frequently does not require special tools or a special place.  It can be done at any time, in any place, with little or no concern about who may be watching (especially appealing if a person is still fully or partially 'in the broom closet').  Why wouldn't the books teach this first?

But, as I pondered this question further, I came to a realization . . . 

Mundane ritual (again, as I practice it), still incorporates a sense of 'sacred space'.  Carrying my sacred space with me or establishing a sacred space without overt ritualistic behavior was not an easy thing for me to develop.  I would venture to say that one of the things that helped me to develop this ability was the dedication that I had for formal ritual when I first began exploring a Pagan Path.  Yes, I read as many books as I could get my hot little hands on.  I confess that I was far from creative in my rituals during the early years -- I would change a word or phrase now and again and insert my own deities, but other than that -- I followed the script!  I fell into a mode of thinking that many I have encountered have . . . there is a 'proper' way to create sacred space and to do so, certain steps must be followed.  If they were not then, at the very least the ritual was impotent; at worst, dangerous.

It was several years before I realized that I had begun doing mundane rituals.  A part of me was embarrassed to admit that I had been doing them for quite some time before I consciously realized it.  After all, depending on the book, running around unconsciously ritualizing could be dangerous -- the potential danger depends on the book, but certainly not something that you want to run around doing all the time.  But an equal part of me is pleased that ritual became such a natural part of my daily life.   For me, something as simple as planting a seed in the garden can be a ritual, or not . . . breathing can be a ritual, or not . . . grooming the dog or cat can be a ritual, or not . . . cooking a meal can be a ritual, or not.  It is all about intent and energy where I am concerned.  If the intent is there and I focus my energy on that intent, any everyday activity can be a ritual in my life.

Ultimately, I think that all those books and all those formal rituals helped me to develop a method of enhancing my everyday life with sacred action.  It did not matter if I was struck with the need to ritualize an everyday behavior while I was spending time with people in my life who were not aware of my spiritual practices because they would never know that I was performing a ritual in their presence.  I did not have to shoo all of the animals in the house out of the room because, contrary to  the claims made by many of the books I read, they were not a distraction.  (I never did understand that bit -- what with the whole idea of familiars and spirit/totem animals that is prevalent in many Pagan systems).

Unfortunately, there are not many resources out there to help Pagans transition from Paganism (whatever your preferred form) 101 to an intermediate or advanced form of the tradition.  Many of you out there have managed to make this transition despite the lack of resources.  In some ways, this is an advantage to the tradition because, since many who progress past the 'basics' develop their own methods and traditions, the community is in a constant state of renewal and fluidity.  Some are fortunate enough to benefit from the personal teaching of an elder in the community, but many do not have that luxury and we develop on our own, using fresh approaches that come to us -- incorporating those that are successful and discarding those that are not (but being happy to pass them on to others because we realize that just because it did not work for us does not mean that it will not work for others).

How did you figure out what works for you in your ritual practice?  Are you more comfortable with Formal or Casual rituals? -- or maybe you are equally comfortable with both.  At what point did you begin deviating from the versions of ritual provided in popular publications -- or did you?