Stayin' Alive!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

When I read this statement, I was brought up short.  Not because I don't do things that make me "come alive" -- I do.  In fact, I do these types of things quite often.  But, the reason I was taken aback a bit was because I also do things that -- well -- just don't!  In fact, sometimes I do things that feel like they are sucking the life out of me.  I imagine that many of us do -- frankly, it is likely that we all HAVE to do some things that do not nurture us.  I, personally, can't think if a single person that I know now or have ever known who are able to completely remove all draining influences.  

The key is to counter those things that drain with things that energize.  Again -- I am not always successful in maintaining this balancing act.  Now is a good example.  My recently revisited project is one of those life suckers.  Anxiety levels are high.  Frustration abounds.  Scheduled daily tasks are . . . challenging.  Despite all this, I continue to plug away -- to attempt to make continued progress, however slow.  So, I must ask the question . . . 

At what point does the draining activity become something that must be let go?  At what point do the difficulties and issues brought about by this project warrant setting it aside for good?  Many times in this process I have wondered if all of the obstacles I have encountered in finishing these revisions are a sign that I am not meant to finish.  This is usually followed by the knowledge that, frequently our most satisfying accomplishments are achieved by overcoming adversity.

I wonder which this will be -- something that was not meant to be or something that I look back on and smile because I was the little engine that could and kept on chugging no matter how steep the hill/mountain got!

How do you decide when it is time to move on?  How many life suckers have you managed to complete or get rid of in some other way?  What are some of the energizing things you do to balance your life?

Expectations

Sometimes I do things just because I am expected to, even if it isn't the best thing to do in the long run. Do I alway realize it?  No.  When/If I do realize it, do a always change my actions?  Unfortunately, the answer to that question is also "No" -- but, I do try to make adjustments as much as possible.

Sometimes, it just makes life easier if I give others what they want or expect -- for me, that is, not necessarily others.  I struggle with anxiety issues (have for years) and sometimes I find that what is best for my stress levels is not exactly the best way forward for others.  I recently realized (with the help of a good friend) that I was allowing others to require documentation from me that they did not have any legal right to ask for.  I was buying into the popular belief that 1) I was required to have such documentation and 2) that they had the right to ask for proof of that documentation.  By carrying around such information and making it available, I was supporting the position that it was required.  But, more importantly, I was making it difficult for the next person that happened along.

By providing the documentation when it was requested, I was making my life easier.  I was able to avoid any kind of confrontation and did not have to deal with the stress and anxiety that such exchanges can produce in me.  But, what about the next person who comes along and then has to deal with the expectation that my compliance helped to strengthen?  By making my life easier, I was actually making the lives of others more difficult.  In this particular situation, I am happy to say that I have changed my actions.  I hope that I am able to do that more frequently than not.

Expectations can be difficult to ignore -- even if they are not the right thing to do!

'Tuning In'

Sobeit over at In the Mists of Avalon uploaded a post titled Metaphor as Life where she states: As living human beings, we all have the ability to tune in to our inner guidance system and gain perspective in our present circumstances.  She then provides a list of questions we can all use to help us 'tune in' that, based on her post, look like they may originate from The Celtic Spirit by Caitlin Matthews.  So, I thought I would give it a go here . . . especially since I have begun working on my revisions (again) and am finding it very challenging.

First question: How do I describe myself in my present circumstances? What do I feel like? (For example, 'powerless, like a car with a dead battery'; unheard, like someone singing in a hail storm'; 'over-burdened, like a head of state.')  

Impotent!  As I return to this project, I find that I am running into the same difficulties.  I am, once again staring at a blinking curser . . . I see a blank space waiting to be filled.

Next question:  How would I describe my normal sense of spiritual connection? (For example, 'like receiving Morse code in a foreign language'; 'nurturing and strong, like bathing in a hot pool')

Normally, my spiritual connection feels very solid and steady -- like a large, boulder deeply imbedded in the earth.  Usually, it is a very stabilizing and grounding thing in my life.

Third question:  What is the nature of help that my spiritual allies can bring to me now? What do I need? (For example, 'space and time'; 'a beautiful and deserted beach in the sun')

Inspiration; a return of my ability to translate my thoughts and understanding into the written word; help in fulfilling the academic requirements before me.  Images that come to mind are the Hierophant and a lit lightbulb.

Final question:  How do I envisage my return to a place of clear understanding? (Draw upon the images and metaphors that you graphically describe in your earlier responses. Meditate upon the help you need right now. Let your own metaphors give you guidance and support.)

Well now, THAT would be the problem!  I have tried many techniques and none have worked.  Yet, I still keep plugging away . . .  Anyone have any thoughts?

So, what does this all tell me about my present circumstances?  Hmmm . . .  maybe some meditation on the subject is in order . . . 

What do you do when you get writer's block -- specifically "academic" writer's block.  I seem to be able to write, in general . . . except when it comes to my dissertation!

Living in the NOW

I was reading Art from My Heart the other day . . .

(brief pause for a shameless plug -- go check out Marie's creations!  She has a knack for embodying the spiritual in her pieces and makes beautiful custom pieces upon request)

and saw this quote:

"May today there be peace within you. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Apparently a friend of hers sent it to her with the instructions to pass it on.  Regardless of its ultimate origins, these words express a state of being that is both healthy and empowering.  Some of my best times in life have been when I have truly managed to live those words -- and some of my worst have been when I have completely forgotten to live in the moment, at peace, and 'in love'.  

I find it helps if I take a little time each day to appreciate  . . . anything . . . everything . . . at least one thing.  Most often I do this while walking the dog.  Usually this works best for me because there is always something that I see that triggers my appreciation.  It seems that these particular thoughts of appreciation and contentment are sparked in me through movement rather than stillness.  Meditation in my life is a very different thing.  Sitting quietly, in silence -- just being and breathing -- is more about grounding and overcoming the stresses of the day.  But it is when walking the dog or digging in the garden that I am able to embrace where and who I am and be joyful.

What do you do to live these very important words?  Do you realize it in stillness?  In those brief moments between wakefulness and sleep?  Pounding the living daylights out of a body bag?  Running a marathon?  We are all such diverse creatures -- what moments work for you?

Support, Energy, Prayers, etc. . . .

Well, I’m ready!

This is a big week!  I begin working on a project that is very important for a number of reasons and has run into obstacle after obstacle for the past three (YIKES!) years!  I have put myself in a financial position that will allow me to treat this project as if it is a full time job.  Of course, finances will be very tight, but ultimately I believe it will be worth it.  I have produced a work schedule and have either weekly or bimonthly goals, depending on the aspect of the project being focused on, and plan on working for forty hours each week on it.  As each goal is reached, that week ‘s (or two) of work will be submitted for review.  Ultimately, the whole thing should be finished and ready to go sometime in October.  Actually, the whole thing will be sent in for review by the end of September, but it will take time for it to be reviewed – and then there might be final revisions needed. 

With all of these preparations, you would think that I have this thing all figured out . . . but here is the thing . . . while I have managed to eliminate many of the things that have interfered with my ability to work on and complete this project, there is one thing that I have not been able to remove.  What could that be, you ask?  Frankly, it is the demands of family.  In the past, I have tried very hard to make sure that the needs of family are met while putting boundaries in place.  Things like saying, “Ok, I can help you do ________ until noon, and then I need to work on my revisions.”  This has proven to be ineffective because that deadline is not respected and I have been a wimp and not enforced it. 

So, here is where I need the help.  Anything that anyone out there can do to help me to be firm in my resolve to work on this project for forty hours a week and not allow family demands to step all over my goal would be greatly appreciated.  I find it difficult to set these kinds of boundaries (which is funny, because I am quite good at it in other situations!).  It is my hope that my family will respect my need to complete this project – but I also need to be prepared if they do not.  The fact is, this is pretty much the last chance I will be given to finish this – if I don’t manage to stick to this last schedule – well, you get the idea.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next few months and I will most likely keep you posted (after all, how can I not blog about this if that is my main focus!).

You Just Gotta Laugh . . .

Today was one of those days that we all have . . . anything that could go wrong did go wrong.  People were stomping all over my last nerve pretty much all day.  I managed to get very little of what I had planned done (though I did manage to get some things done -- just not what I had planned).  Everything took about 3 times longer than anticipated.  I admit, I found myself getting more and more frustrated as the day went on -- even my normal coping techniques failed me.  Then, as was inevitable, the incident that was the final straw happened.  But, instead of exploding, all I could do was LAUGH!

As I look back on the day, I realize that each annoying event was really quite minor but for some reason today they had a much greater impact than it would have normally.  It makes me wonder what was going on astrologically because I was obviously completely out of whack.  It was not until the absurdity of the day hit me that I started to loosen up.  Hey, we all have them . . . and we have a choice . . . are we going to blow a gasket or do we (eventually) manage to shrug it off and say "You Just Gotta Laugh!"?

Here is hoping that everyone manages to laugh more times than not!